Dorothy and the Wizard in Oz by L. Frank Baum (REVIEW)

A Critic's Meta-Review: 4/5

I am not usually one for conspiracy theories. Personally, I think if there is anyone concocting some sort of nefarious conspiracy, it would likely be the weavers of these (typically) far-fetched, asinine theories. Indeed, I would be more inclined to believe that these supposed “truth seekers” are merely paid government operatives employed in some sort of disinformation campaign that is designed to distract us from the actual corrupt goings-on of the state, such as the fact that slavery is still essentially legal, local police forces have transformed into modern-day death squads, one percent of the population controls over ninety-nine percent of the wealth, citizens can be detained indefinitely without a warrant under the National Defense Authorization Act...alas, I could go on for pages.

I am not going to do that, however. It will only make both of us sad. So let us not dwell on such matters, despite the fact that they are literally all I spend my nights thinking about (well, that, and how I can get my cat to go to sleep and stop nibbling at my toes with his panther teeth). Let us look, instead, at another conspiracy theory - one that I have never seen any of these so-called “investigative reporters” delve into even once. And of course, naturally, this theory is more likely to be true than anything I’ve ever heard those yahoos ramble on about.

Alright, guys, here goes nothing: L. Frank Baum is the wizard. Now hear me out, because I am sure at this point that you really don’t want to. Reason with me here, though.

Have you ever wondered what the “L” in “L. Frank Baum” actually stands for? No, it’s not Lullaby. No, it’s not Library either. Are you just - are you just saying words that start with “L” now? Stop it! At once! I have a theory to unfold, you buffoon!

I am sorry. That was uncalled for.

The L stands for (brace yourselves): Lyman.

Think about that. Lyman. Lie-man. The wizard was a lying man, too, you know. Perhaps Mr. Baum was really the one behind the curtain. It would certainly explain a lot of things. Namely - how does one come up with such an elaborate, specific sequence of events, detailed down to the T, unless one has some extensive experience with the subject around which these events are centered around. After all, most true crime writers tend to be former law enforcement officials (probably why I never much cared for the genre) and most erotic fantasy authors tend to be middle-aged spinsters. It must stand to reason, then, that L. Frank Baum was actually a wizard.

Right?

I don’t know, man. I’m gonna go make a sandwich.

Wheat bread, baby.